TRENDS: No, #Sharknado3 would not affect Great Lakes, but raining sea lampreys would be a thing of nightmares

Despite a sketchy 1954 report of a bull-shark attack on Lake Michigan, fears of a Great Lakes Sharknado is nothing to keep you up at night.

But could any Great Lakes monster rain from the sky in a so-bad-it’s-good made-for-SyFy-channel movie? Our investigators named one.

“I would say the sea lamprey,” said Supervisor of Environmental Assessment Seth Hothem.

This sharp-toothed eerie creature is something to fear for several reasons, the first of which is its status as an invasive species in Lake Erie where it may have been introduced between 1919 and 1927.

“The sea lamprey is an aggressive predator by nature, which gives it a competitive advantage in a lake system where it has no predators and its prey lacks defenses against it. The sea lamprey played a large role in the destruction of the Lake Superior lake trout population. Lamprey introduction along with poor, unsustainable fishing practices caused the lake trout populations to decline drastically. The relationship between predators and prey in the Great Lakes’ ecosystem then became unbalanced.” — Wikipedia, Image credit I, Drow male

Northeast Ohio Regional Sewer District investigators have found lampreys in their fish monitoring efforts, latched onto the sides of trout, tearing into the fishes’ skin and sucking their blood like a parasite. (Scroll down below to see the creepy teeth in action, …but don’t do it after lunch.)

The Ohio Department of Natural Resources does say the sea lamprey is less abundant in Lake Erie than the rest of the upper Great Lakes where it has damaged sports fish populations. Still not something we’d want to see raining from the skies, despite an actual report of lampreys raining from the skies.

@WallyWaterdrop A lampreynado is not so likely. Lamprey rain, on the other hand, is entirely different. http://t.co/sG8X5ARcF6 @kamidon09

— Kevin Leeson (@inthewabe) July 22, 2015

We’d be happy to work with SyFy if they are interested in a Sharknado spinoff: You bring Ian Ziering, we’ll bring the electrofishing boat. Kelsey has the lamprey ready for its close-up:

Confirmed, by the way: This sea lamprey mouth is the worst gif ever.